Gawd.....So fucking suicidal. Done with Life. Can't stand it anymore. Constant flashbacks. Thought I had finally gotten over all this! I'm just sitting here shaking and crying. Don't want anyone to touch me. Just want to disappear.....To cease to exist. Why the fuck couldn't my father have been wearing a condom the night he fucked psycho? If he did I wouldn't be here. I keep hearing this little voice "You Deserved everything you got" Maybe it's right. Maybe I did ask to be molested.....Obviously I asked to be raped. That was my stupidity Swallowing pills and wandering to the wrong side of town. I'm Such a fucking Moron. I fucked my life so bad. I have Permanent Kidney and Liver damage......Damage to the back of my throat and back teeth from being Bulimic and swallowing bleach. My skin is fucked up from my constant cutting. Scars all over...fresh cutz. I can't stop. I feel like I need to destroy myself bit by bit. One of these days I'll do It. I know I will. I'll be able to take that blade or jump in front of a train. I'm done. I am through. I can't see myself anywhere in 5yrs. I have no fucking Talent. No good looks obviously. Hell I can't even keep a boyfriend or friends for that fact. I think I am some fucking freak. Suppose I am. I Can't help but feel this way. It's like my mind is wired to think of nothing but suicide n dark thoughts. I just can't get up the fucking nerve yet......Gawd....I hate this. I hate getting up every morning.....Should I run in front of a car today? Normal ppl dont think like that! Society fuck up. My own mother even said I was a Fuck up!!!!!!!! What does that tell you? "Fuck you" Can no longer go on Can't stand to be around Tired crying at night Hiding in the day Pretending to be some one I'm not Such a disguize To fool everyone But deep inside I hurt So bad That I cut myself And Hope it takes away the pain But it doesn't It just helps me cope Only it's not working I need something else At the end of the rope No more. Done. No Hope Had it Am Through Fuck you "Cutting" Red all over Cut myself again Can't help it Such an addiction Cannot beat Such a rush Every Night Same thing Sit alone In the Dark Reach for Razor Press down Deep and Hard Watch blood drip Creating a small puddle Staring at it Release Wish It would last Bleeding stops Clean up Go to bed Wake up And Smile My life "Judgement" Molested Raped Abused And you bitch about how I act? Have you ever had to blow a guy Because you were scared and clueless? Have you ever Been dragged and held down By some one you don't know And wake up with blood Running down your leg? Have you ever been forced out of your own house Because of some little nosey bitch? Have you ever been pinned to a couch And screamed at for being a slut Have you ever sat outside In freezing Temps because You were afraid to go home? Have you ever tried explaining How you feel to those you love and then be called a Selfish slut? Have you ever held a blade to your wrist And Pray for death to come? I do....I Live with this everyday Think I'm an attention seeker? Guess Again I'm human I can feel Am Not a Toy I Know Hell I Live in it Don't judge me