Anger looms my mind...Ryan getting jumped....FUCKERS!!! gah....I dont want him to ever get hurt....in a way I feel bad....if we hadnt fucked up...we woulda been able to chill this summer and he wouldn't have gotten jumped....everything is my fault. bad luck follows me whevere i go...just as death does yet he keeps his distance unliek the bad luck that creeps up right behind me......Why can't death follow me closer? Why cant I be hit by a car and killed...or in a car accident or something. Just anything. I want out of life to an extent. It's liek I want to die, but without hurting Ry. I love him so much.....I wanna spend my life with him......but these creeping thoughts of suicide are driving me insane. I don't kno what to do anymore.