On the verge of one helluva breakdown Thanx to PMS I have been off the edge more then usual today. I basically slept my way thru the skool day. None of the teachers pestered me. I was just real quiet and drifted off. Aaron kept me entertained. But I kinda felt like a total dumbass. I was lying to the whole world when I smiled and laughed. I actually felt like commiting suicide today. I'm tired of hiding my pain from the world. But then again who wants to hear the pathetic cries of a 14yr old? No one. My point exactly. I got my 5 rolls of film back today. 1 entire blank roll. a set from the Springfield trip, a set from Fla, and some other roll. The most important and painful to look at is the 7th grade camping pics from 2yrs ago. There's a pic of Jezebel from when she was a baby. I thought I was gonna breakdown when I saw it. She was my world. My first baby. I loved her the moment I saw her. She perked me up on days I was low. Listened to me crying about how I hated life. She was silent during those times and others she was lively and squeaky. She passed away Late last year. Died in my arms at 6:06am. I never cried so much in my life. I would have gave my life for her. She was my one true friend. The 4 pics from that roll are all I have of her. But her spirit lives on. I'm actually in tears right now....I kno I'm pathtic. Blame it on PMS Then there was a pic of Kristen, Sara, Liz and me. That's pretty painful to look at for me at least. It brings back all the good times Sara and I had when we were still friends. 7th grade year we were the tightest. She was like a sister. We had the same cabin on the trip and had fun. I really miss being friends with her. I admit it. But she has changed so much this year. She's grown more bitter. Chose a different crowd to hang with. Maybe one day she'll come around and realize her mistakes. I sincerlly doubt we'll ever be friends again. Things can never go back to how they were before. All thats left is the memories. Like the time my dad got so abusive I called her and she came over and I lied to my dad and said we were going in the backyard to look at the stars and he said if I left the house he'd kill my pets. She and I took off anyways and ran to the Airport on the Lansing/Lynwood boarder. Those were the good times. Sitting in the freezing cold just talking. Or like when we would meet up and talk about things just to get them off our mind. I really miss times like that. Just Mere memories now. So much for being friends for life eh. My mom did find an awesome pic of Amanda and me from last summer. That brings back good memories. Like when Amanda and I were small and would play Barbies. She taught me a lot. She's like my older sister that I never had. I know we'll be friends for life. No Doubt. Anyways enough of my issues..... I was listening to Twisted Angel as usual. And this is the one song I relate to the most "Wound up" Little Carrie Ann what a beautiful girl From the moment she was born She was always perfect Whole town said "Why can't you be more like her?" Lights go on and she's ready to spin On stage doing all the things she's told to Puts on a show in front of the whole damn world I pray to the heavens to try to save her soul Cause that sweet little angel is not the girl i know She gets wound up she gets higher by the minute Turns the sound up To drown out all the pain They all think they know her But no one really knows That she goes a little crazy sometimes She parks her car at the top of the hill Only inches from the edge Where she's almost falling Stares at the sky till she's drowning in the rain Nice dress, nice smile What a wonderful child If they only knew all the lies she's told them It's too complicated for her to explain She prays to the heavens to try to save her soul Cause the sweet little angel is close to letting go [Chorus] I pray to the heavens to try to save her soul Cause that sweet little angel is not the girl i know [Chorus]