I never realized how hard it is to put your life on hold. It's like no matter how hard you try to stop it......It still goes on. I have ppl already askin what i want for Xmas. I reallii didn't plan on being around that long...but it's like...I dunno....so confused. Have to decide...To Live....or to go through with Suicide. I've been weighin the pros and cons and I still can't decide. I have to do it soon. If i decide to commit suicide Then I'm gonna just quit doin my homework...pick a day.....ditch school since they dont call till 2:30pm and either 1. Sit on the train tracks. or 2. hang myself at the forest preserve. If I live. Then I have to work my ass off to bring up my grades, and try to take care of this depression. Any decision I make now is gonna affect me for the rest of my life....and it scares me to kno that I'm really the onli one that can decide. Gah this fucking sucks cock No sign of Nick yet..... Twi hasn't been on in a few days so I cant find out anything new. I miss him so much! I keep looking at the card....had to put it away for now because i was crying. After he gets back...I'm tiein his happy ass down heh..... Love ya Nick.... Sat. detention wasn't so bad. 139 kids were there....I had frau as my superviser so heh was great. like I forgot my Algebra book so I'm fucked for that since i have it first hr Monday....but like I read my book n shit and then half way thru the 2hrs the other superviser swiped a kid's magazine and the dude was like Yo give it back and she wouldn't. it was just an XXL. So he caused a big scene and got kicked out. Then they let us out at 10:45. So we all hung around outside. Gah dammit these pics won't stay loaded on this site....gonna put'em on a geocities website....... anyways....Gonna work on my website its almost 4am... RaZoR wHoRe