on the edge of a full blown panic attack. today has been total hell. My mom talked me into taking these diet pills she had, they're illegal in like 15 states so I was like fine what the hell.... Newyz alright I cut a few days ago on my legs, and I totally forgot that I had Basketball coming up in gym....well the teacher is a fucking cock sucking dickhead and won't let us wear sweatpants under our shorts, And my cuts are up and down my leg, where they can be very easily seen, they've yet to fade. So like today i've been on pins and needles walking around like a zombie deathly afraid of going to gym 9th hour, I don't want to go see the counseler, she is such a ditz but I don't want my mom to get a phone call saying her daughter is at it again...no way...I wouldn't be able to handle being caught. So like when gym time came I walked in the locker room and changed into my uniform w/ my sweatpants Mr. K bitched he was like take those off, I ignored him, he sent a classmate to talk to me I told him to fuck off. When the teacher asked why I wouldn't change i told him that i felt "Self Conscious" which was the truth. he let me get away with it today, but told me for tomorrow I need to wear the regular uniform. I am so scared....I don't eant to get caught. Cover up won't work with the cuts because they still look fresh even though they're some odd days old. I'm between the thoughts of suicide and running away. I don't know what to do....Just so totally confused. I know I need to stop cutting, really I need to, but i'm just not ready to give up that blade. I can't stand the thought of it. I hate being female I hate my life.....I need to do something to get out of gym. Ne ideas on how to break a wrist? I am so totally fucked...... I hate myself.... check out the site I made yesterday http://silenced_scars_teen.tripod.com/thoughtsfromthemindofasilencedteen/index.html