Life sux cock so bad....Last night I wanted to slit my wrists so bad....I wanted to talk to anyone that would listen. I called Scott but he already had went to bed...I won't be able to talk to him till Wednesday...*Cries* I Wrote a poem that is basically the story of my life... Its called..."Final Letter" I put the blade in front of me In the afterlife I wish to be I hate this life I wish to end it with a knife It's not like anyone cares People act like I'm not even there I'm hated by those I thought were my friends It's a cycle that repeats again I never asked to exist Maybe that's why I take the blade to my wrist I use to cut because it took away the pain But things have gotten so hard, I've pretty much gone insane I no longer think about that next red line It's Thoughts of suicide that rule my mind the pain finally has taken its toll I'm no longer in control The Depression has Overcome me Trust me Suicide wasn't my 1st choice But after awhile....You learn to listen to the voice It says, C'mon do it....Don't be scared I think I'm finally prepared To leave this world, Once and for all I'm ready to leap....ready to fall I just don't know Which way i'll choose to go Should I use a gun? Or To the ocean shall I run? Should I take that blade and press it deep Or swallow pills and drift off into sleep Maybe Take that Rope and tie a knot? I'll have to give it some thought Now onto the good byes.... Like anyone would actually care when I die A few, I wonder how it would affect Yeah sure at first they'd be upset But after awhile they would deal And those "Open" wounds would heal Think I should leave a letter? Or should I leave them to wonder what could have made life better? Ha...They'd say it's to painful to read It might explain to reason for the deed But who knows...how they would react Oh yeah....How easy is it to explain how my mind was under attack... "These voices drove me to suicide" They'd all say....The truth she chooses to hide They'd say i wanted attention and went to far But truly you see......The warnings were the scars Something you again, Chose to ignore... I just couldn't carry on anymore... Maybe one day You'll understand Why my life had to end Keep an open mind And the Truth you will Find I called Scott last night..left like 6 messages in a row...I love him so much..I dream about us living together...Ya kno like just little funny things....I'd be yelling at him to get some clothes on..(or would i?..lol) But like I've wanted to call him all day, But I dunno what to say....except...I Love you.... I hate these long lonely nights that i spend by myself, Just crying and hugging my stuffed hoover dog (Yes I sleep with stuffed animals!) I'm barely ever around people these days...Except at skool or if my mom wants me to run an errand, Other then that I spend my afternoons and nights in my room. Hell I'm dead all day till about 7pm...then I get this spurge of energy. I'm such a night person. My parents can't seem to understand why i'm like this.... Can't they see the major change!?! Ever since this depression has taken over, i don't go out at all...I use to go chill with Sara on skool days and walk around Lansing with friends... Now I only talk to Sara on the net and at skool. Same with the rest of my friends.... I really hate human to human contact..I hate being touched. Am I human? I dunno... Most people crave other's touch's. They liked knowing some one knows the exist... Half the people I kno act like I'm not even there. At Family Parties and stuff, People talk to my lil sister and ask about her. I'll be standing right there and no one will talk to me or anything.... Do I have a sign that says FREAK some where on me? Maybe if i actually did kill myself...Maybe they'd stop and think about the way they acted and feel foolish. I sincerly doubt it tho. I'm invisible....I don't Exist....I'm dead to the world... Let me die... I miss Scott so much! Can't wait till Wednesday.... Peace Out