Dammit my wrists are killin me.....I'm a dumbass..... Adam called me last night and we talked. Ended up in phone sex of course......lol.....He's fun to talk to. Mah Buddy!!!!! lol..... Last night tho I lost control of myself and cut my wrists again......Talk about pain!.....Blood just caked everywhere again....Thank god don't have to wash anythin tho except my braclets. Man I am so pissed at Sara. Ever Since she met Crystal it's been like fuck you. I don't care at this point. Ever since like 8th grade she's been hangin more with like Marinell and All them. I don't care. But she purposely leaves me out of things. Pisses me off. I don't let her kno tho. Like when she let it slip that molly went to her graduation party and I wasn't even invited. And then like she Invited me to the Static X concert and Crystal went instead cuz Sara didn't think I'd get along with anyone.....Fuck her! Gawd. I get along with everyone even tho it don't seem like it. Man. I don't think I am meant to have friends. They either backstab me or get tired of me. Fuck'em. Don't need'em. Don't need anyone anymore. Scott Can Kiss my ass and Sara and her bitches can Fuck themselves. Such a bitch today aren't i? I'm debatin weather or not I'm buyin a cam. If I get one I kno I'm gonna be takin stills of my cutz for my website. Told Daniel I'd slit my wrists and let the whole world see on cam. I don't care anymore. I hate hiding my cutz but I know i have to or My ass is gonna be tossed into Therapy and I ain't dealin with no fuckin shrink. Let the whole world see the pain. Let them know the truth. Tired of hiding behind a fake smile and pretending like nothing is wrong. There is something wrong!!!!!!! I know it. My family knows it they just fucking deny it! They think that if they pretend it's not there that it'll go away.......ummmm 8yrs been stuck with depression it ain't leavin anytime soon. I know that. In a way I do and don't want help. Don't want meds. Don't want Therapy......I dunno.....I'm confused. Can't help but think that Maybe this is suppose to add up to suicide. Wonder if that is my only purpose in life.............To end up dead. Can't keep fighting a losing battle.....Life's a fuckin bitch......... Fuck it