I feel like some one hit the self destruct button.....Can't think of anythin' but killin' myself and I reallii dunno why.... Had a pathetic attempt last night by swallowing bleach. My throat burns like a mother fucker. Cut my wrists again.....And they hurt so bad. I don't care tho anymore. Done with all this bullshit. Guyz Just want sex. None of'em want a meaningful relationship. I had the perfect guy and I fucked things up. Thinhs just weren't meant to be...ya kno? Just not meant to be loved. No happiness.....Destined to hell. Not gonna be allowed to have anything. My life is worthless. Oh man....I had the weirdest dream.....swore I passed out again....Newyz.....It was like I met Jack at a diner. And we spent the day havin fun at Disneyland......Dunno where the hell it came from........But then again I was talkin to him last night. He's a nice guy and all but I dunno yet if I can trust him. Haven't known him that long......so guess we'll see...... I'm debatin weather or not I'm walkin up to TFS to get my History book and new sched. Gotta get dressed n all that probably just go another day. I dunno what to wear for tonight. I like keepin bob happy ya kno? But like it's just so impersonal. When he says I love you i can sense he doesn't mean it. He says I'm his girlfriend but liek he doesn't take any interest in me unless it's sexual. Maybe I'm just gettin' too Attatched....I dunno. Ya kno. All guyz care about is looks. Hell I wouldn't care if the guy was the ugliest fatest thing in the world. If he was sweet, friendly and all around a great person to be around. I'd marry him. Personality counts. Not looks. But that's just me. I'm a no one. Destinted to live a life of lonelyness because no guy wants some suicidal psycho... Then again......Won't live to see 18 I don't think. Can't stand to live another 3yrs....Just a matter of time before I end it. Last Night realized. Everyday on my way to High skool i'll be crossin the railroad tracks. it's perfect......if I can make it look like an accident can finally have the peace I want.......I might use that idea......debating still if I want something Insant and painless or painful and fast.....or slow and painful......Can't decide since I love pain.... Newyz.....Gonna clean my room n pop a few Ephedra pills..... BlEEdinG ElmO GrL