Well it's been a long few days.... My dad has been in the hospital since Thursday: Diagnosis Cellulitis which is a skin condition, kinda basically a rash. Well it spread and its in his blood system and he's not responding to Antibotics they dunno what they gonna do. I'm a lil worried Guess it's been a depressing. I really have been on the edge. Almost broke down at Meijers for no reason. I just want to cry, cry and cut. I feel like It's my fault that my dad is sick. I've spent so many nights wishing he would just die because he was an ass and now that he's sick....I just feel so bad. I mean yeah when he had the cancer 4yrs ago I kinda really didn't understand. I expected him to live and no one really explained that it was life threatening. Well this time around i know what's going on and it scares me. I'me fucking sitting here crying....I hate this....Fucking sux.... "Dad" Another night spent crying Thoughts of dying Feeling so bad Depressed & sad I use to bitch about how much you made my life hell Like the time you were drunk and fell And everyone saw, or the time you got pissed An tried to hit me but you missed How you made me feel like i was nothing The hell and suffering I would sit in my room and think about how I could kill you But yet I was to afraid to All those nights I wanted you to keel over and die I told myself I would never cry How I wish I could take it all back Yeah there was a lot you lacked But you are only human, Yeah you could be a prick But now that you're sick I think of all the fun stuff Like the wrestling, playing rough or sneaking into other movies for free Or like at the Eagles concert when it was just you and me It's those memories that I hold dear The ones I keep near I just can't help feeling that i'm the reason your ill Maybe it's god's will... I dunno I just feel so confused and scared Yes My soul is being bared This is how I truly feel I just wish this all wasn't real I want it to be a bad dream It would appear to be it seems But it's all really going on damn this is just so fucking wrong If there is a god....Please don't take my dad away Leave him on Earth to stay Yes sometimes I say That i wish he were dead I wish I could take back those things I said But please please......Don't let my daddy die You ask why? Because I love him so I don't give a damn if the whole world knows!!! Just please leave my daddy hear with me I swear I'll act better, You'll see Just please...Leave my daddy with me....