Ah.....gawd it's been a long ass fucking two days....Okies....like Tuesday I sent Scott my pics....All kool nuffin went wrong....Well like on Wednesday he flipped.....Long story short. We're no longer going out or even talking for that matter. He's pissed and was spazzin over the fact that I sent him a pic 3yrs ago that wasn't me. I was 12yrs old....most 12yr olds dont look like porn stars. I dunno how to react to all this. I reallii love him but liek i guess if he wants things to be this way then so be it. I feel like I just lost everything in my life. Ya kno. I mean come on nearly 3yrs spent talking everyday and I fuck it up. I still love him and alwyz will......He truly is a angel....But all good things cum to an end rite? I miss him so much....Hope he's doin alright... SO then like yesterday afternoon Mander came by and liek we hung out and she was drinkin peppermint schnapps. By 7pm she was so plastered we hung out with Don, Trisha, Molly, Casey, Margie and Valerie so yeah it was interesting. Then like at 8:30 Mander and I headed to walgreens I have no fucking idea how we got there man she was plastered. When we got there we saw the dude and like he kne she was drunk and came outside and helped me move her to the park like a mile away and that was no easy feat she kept fallin but we did it. She was majorly hittin on him. I thought he was nice but like he started sayin his girlfriend was psycho and she slit her wrists....blah blah and that realli pissed me off cuz i'm a cutter. I hate dudes like that. And then I found out he was 27. And when Mander was like half passed out she was messin with him and he started fingering her and I'm like fuck this I went and sat on the stairs of the slide. And then she had sex with him.....Lovely....All right there in the park. I seriously cant stand guys like him. 1 he cheated on his gf. 2. he's an asshole. Finally at like 1am I was able to get her walking and we made it home. she took a shower, called her bf and passed out....long long long nite I seriously was gonna find a semi and hitch a ride to Texas. Was gonna prove that I realli loved Scott and would go the distance. Of course he wouldnt want me around but it's the thought that counts! lol. I'm still in the mood for slitting my wrists. Ya kno. it's like this whole fucking thing. I dunno. I'm so confused. I dunno what to feel or what to do with myself. I think he hates me.....And like what sux about this whole thing is the fact that I have a extreme fear of rejection and I just have been rejected....My life is over. I have no idea what i'm gonna do now....Ya kno it was like oh yeah I'm moving to texas now I dont even kno if I wanna do that. I still dont think there is a future for me out there. I know My life is destined to be nothing but a suicide. Just living on borrowed time....Well this is all over....I think scott definitly wants it over....Dont kno if there's a chance of us ever talking again.....Oh well......He's free to do whatever he wants........I just miss him so much....So fucking cold.... Oh and my gay ass cuzins cum out tomorrow.....Lucky Lucky me.....My cuz Kristen wants me to go swimmin n stuff.....grrrr.....Mom and Nana still haven't made up who knows if they ever will. Man it's like everyone's relationship is on the rocks as of lately. well who knows.......This is gonna be a interesting few months. I suppose since Scott and I aren't talking that my journal is all I have now to vent and talked to. Don't have any other support system anymore. Scott was it. Damn good person. I hope someday He finds his dream girl and has a happy long life.....Wish No harm to him. I know out there somewhere is a girl looking for a sweet friendly guy like him who'll make all his dreams and fantasies come true. Guys like him don't stay single long. He's so not judgemental. He'll find some one....At least i hope he does. Some one who'll keep him out of trouble. Damn I miss him....................