Mirror Mirror on the wall......Why am I Alone... Well I had a major reality check this morning. I was lookin for pics to scan of course I couldn't find any of me in my goth get up but i did find sum pics of me dressed as a princess from like 5yrs ago....I have a lot of pics of when I was like 7 and 8. And I look at those pics....and cry. Where the hell did I go wrong? I used to have all kinds of dreams in life. Direction, Good grades, Decent friends.....A Future. And Now there's nothing. I fucked up so bad. So many dreams.......All disappearing along with my sanity. Ever since I cut again it's like my whole world is different. I don't see things the same anymore it's all back to seeing thru the pain. Being sane never lasts long. It's like I want to be that little girl again.....I'd change everything. I wouldn't try to kill myself....I'd avoid being raped......But then again......If none of that ever happened I never would have met Scott and he's the best thing that has ever happened to me. He makes my life seem bearable at times. Ya kno. It's like I want to start over and get a grip on life and hope maybe just maybe I could have a normal life and then again it's like I wouldnt have the experience I have today if it weren't for all that.....I dunno I'm just extremely confused.....Haven't talked to Scott in 3 days. I know he's enjoying a nice sleep...... Then liek I'm dealing with these goddamn self esteem issues. I look in the mirror and there's this little girl with dishwater blond hair hanging in her face looking back at me. I know who she is. It's the little girl wanting freedom.....Wanting to forget the pain....the suffering.....the ods....the death......I miss my old self......Life's a bitch....Will I ever be able to outrun the pain and bad memories? I wonder......Who knows.....I'm destined to suicide and nothing can change that............. **RaZoR BlAdE kIsSiEs**