....Still in the clutches of the Grim Reaper....Being Dangled over the cliff of death...The fingers slowly relaxing their grip...I can feel myself getting ready to fall into the Darkness.... Depression still lurks....I can't get it to go away. Man it's been a weird few days... We've been doing ISATs at skool....they're gay...Yeah Sunday I worked at a Bake Sale for like 5hrs...It was gay being with a bunch of old ppl but they left me alone. My mom was real sick Sunday too She didn't even move out of bed. Yeah then Monday she was too sick and My dad stayed home to "Help" her...They probably fucked like rabbits all day. Tuesday......yeah they stayed home again. My dad pulled a Groin Muscle walkin the dog. Go figure. Skool was really gay today. I just kinda kept to myself. I don't want to talk to anyone. I keep getting these headaches whenever i hear loud noises and man when I get'em they hurt like a bitch. In school I been havin high Anxiety again...i just like sit at my desk and think of all the suicide methods that I could attempt. Man I come up with a shitload! Then like today yeah I walked to Sara's w/ Wilby and I got weed...only took like a hit or two but Man i don't feel good. Was feeling paranoid earlier. I was talkin to Scott about stuff...He's like do you feel hopeless....No I'm fucking full of home (Sarcasm!!!!)He thinks I should go on Disability.....Fuck I am freaking out about having a physical for high skool. I am covered in scars....U name the place chances are I have a bunch der. I figured out a new cutting method. I take a match and get the blade real hot and push it down real fast and drag it across.....Ya get a burn and a stinging cut. Kool eh? I wanna commit suicide tho....I have nothing to live for....NOTHING at all...I've went thru a list and nothing is keeping me here except for the fact that mah suicide methods don't work!!!! I really wanna slit my wrists and just watch the blood flow but dat takes up to 4hrs before ya die....So yeah not reccommended...I'll figure out something eventually...... Here's just like two things I wrote cuz I needed to express myself..neither has a title I'm Afraid That you'll take away my Razor Blade It gives me a reason to live So My wrists I give As a Sacrifice to the pain I guess I'm Insane The blood helps me feel alive It's the Net that helps me survive I'm Hanging on by a string There's no way I can beat this thing _________________________________________________ Crying tears of red Because of some stupid things I said The reason you're suicidal is because of me It's my age you see I try to act like an adult so you won't feel so Guilty But still that's how you feel Yes, i know you're just trying to keep it real Scott, I'll always love you And Stay a Friend so true But if you want to leave, I'm to blame I'm the reason for you're shame I don't want you to feel that way So Distance is where I shall stay