yeah its me again. Dude Eric caught up with me 2nd period and was like ya gonna blow me after skool? and I musta not bein payin attention cuz I musta said whatever. So like anyways After skool I'm at the locker area packin my hw in my bag and he's like ya ready. I was like uh excuse me. And Sara popped up, I was like oh kool she'll get him to go away so like we had to stop at the art room so we could talk to a few chicks And Eric is still following me and Sara asked him what he wanted and he's like She's gonna blow me, and he pointed to me. I was like ok whatever. So we're in the hallway and he's like yeah lets go to the locker room. I was like dude are you fucking crazy!?! That is a good place to get caught and 2 I really just wanted him away from me. I have this thing about guys getting too close, Every since The night My dad was drunk and was messing with me and hit me and all kinds of other stuff and then the thing with Jason I don't trust guys. So we walked off skool grounds and he's still following me and he's like get on ur knees. i was like uh dude got the money? And he's like no I'll pay ya tomorrow. Well ya kno damn well he wasn't. So I was like uh up front dude or nothing and he's like I got 15! I was like just go away and I just started walkin away and he comes runnin back and is like please please I Told him NO! Finally he gave up and went back into the skool for basketball practice. I really didn't think much of it till I got home. I mean I kno a chick put him up to askin me for it. and it pisses me off that dudes think I am so fucking easy. I'm still payin for this evil depression that has made my life hell for the past 7yrs. I finally am able to pull myself out of it and it follows me! I was actually getting suicidal earlier and wanted to cut because this is just like not something I want to think about. I mean last year at the beginning of 7th grade the tall black dude, Clarien shows up on my porch with 2 20's I threatened to call the cops and he still wouldn't leave! I never said I would fuck him and he just shows up! I had my mom call the skool the next day, and like a week later my best bud Jennifer files sexual harrassment against him and she tells the principal about what he did with me , so I filed and 2 other chicks did. Well They had a detective "check" things out but as you kno nothing was done. And Jennifer was transferred to another skool because her parents didn't want her dealing with that shit. So I lost my best bud cuz of that. her parents won't lemme talk to her at all. So I'm debating weather I should file on eric, I mean i have told him NO and he keeps buggin me. It's really startin to piss me off. I just don't wanna end up hurting myself over this. i swear i feel like I have a panic attack coming on, It's like major stress because I don't want him to have his buddies jump me, And his buddies, Kyle who sexually harrasses me and calls me at home askin for sex!, Clarien who I filed against last year who i kno wants revenge, Keith who is pissed I wouldn't blow him, and Charles who I kicked in the nuts. So they All have something they want to get even with me for. 5 6ft black dudes who have connections and out weigh me, I'm up against. What am I going to do? I'm like so confused rite now. i called Scott to get his opinion but he's not home. Maybe I should "Get Over it" and try to forget, But I kno it will catch up with me again. My grandma said i should bring a recorder to skool and turn it on when Eric asks about sex but I don't want this to All blow up in my face, And Him say that i told him I would, I mean yes I did but then I told him no and i guess he can't process that or understand it. I am just like so freaked out. I DO NOT want to get raped, It's not something I want to go thru again. Jason had me feeling dirty as it is, I don't need any more problems. All I want to do this skool year is get good grades and graduate. How hard is that? Am I asking to much? My skool is 85% black not that i have anything against them but most the ppl are like from bad areas with major gang violence and drugs and they corrupt all the good black ppl and it gets ugly. And whats really bad Is my "Best Friend" told everyone I had a Rebel flag in my room, which was tru at the time, my dad bought it for me because its the sign of the south well she told everyone it stood for racism and slavery. Need I say what My nickname is......KKK Princess which isn't tru because I have a lot of black friends. This is just all so Confuzling. I guess I'll write more later. Maybe writing all this will calm me down. I hope ~*~*~*~*~Peace*Out*~*~*~*~*~*~ Self Injury free for 61 days, 61 days w/o Cutting or purging, Go me!