Dude this site sucks cock! lol....took forever to get it to work! Today was weird. i had high Anxiety all day, Everything is just a blur. I have been so depressed But I dunno why. Like now I am maniac I feel like I can do anythin and everythin. oooo I found out yesterday that a 5th grader was hiding in a back classroom with a knife after skool. took 4 cops to get the dude out. He was threatenin to kill ppl. Awesome eh. Den like today as I was walkin to skool a 5th grader that was like 4'2 comes up to me and says "I'm gonna rape and kill you if you don't give me your money" i laughed at him. I'm like 5 somethin way taller den him. I was talkin to Aaron today, Showin him my geocities site and he thought it was totally awesome but he said that my suicide poems were scarey. i was like well uh dude only reason I'm here is cuz all my attempts have failed and he's like I don't want ya to die, ya one of my friends. That was really sweet of him. he's a real sweetheart Ashley is lucky to have him. I hope they last, for his sake anyways. He truly loves her but I dunno if she feels the same way towards him cuz like yeah she has a habbit of fuckin dudes then leavin'em. She can be such a total slut at times. I kinda do and don't get along with her. Who knows tho. Man like I am just so confused. Today i was sitting in class thinkin of all these questions that I can't answer. Who am I? Why am I here? Why am I cursed? Why am I depressed? Am I a freak? Do I really wanna die? Are these really Panic attacks or something else? Do i need to loose weight? Do I like myself? What's my Destiney? Will I marry Scott? How long before I commit suicide? That's just a few of the ones I came up with. Yesterday Scott and I were talkin. He's like I'm gonna come up to Chicago when ya older and we can tour the city together. that would be like totally awesome! I would love to take him to the Sears Tower, tour the Stock Exchange and then chill at the Rock N Roll McDonalds or Rain forest Cafe. I don't kno Chicago that Well, Only been der like a hundred times lol. I can wait till the day I can forever spend the rest of my life with Scott. He is my life...lol. I alwyz call him in the morning before skool and after skool, sometimes durin lunch if I'm in the hallway. i tell him everything and anything. I talk to him during the night, He helps me with my homework and listens to my poems and tells me what he thinks. We can talk about anything. Sex, News, Stocks, Mental illness. I learn so many things from him. He's the greatest teacher in the world. Thanx to him I got 100% on the Economics part of my tests..lol. 2yrs together wow. I'm like totally amazed we lasted dis long. Another 4yrs and He will he stuck with me for life. My one and only lol. Anyways I got hw to attend to. Peace Out