Hm. Valentine's morning. 3ish. Haven't slept yet. Can't. Caved in and statrted this diary-journal-thingy. I honestlty don't know how it will turn out. I never do when I start recording thoughts and events of my life. Maybe I will let whoever reads these pages a glimpse of the deepest dearest aspects of my soul, or perhaps I will only toy with you. Or tell you what you wish to read. Or need to. I'll let you decide. To begin, I'm shaking inside. Part of me is ridiculously happy about Valentine's day and being able to share it with such an amazing man. Another part of me is still the wounded girl so easily shaken into hysterics. (Pardon my spelling, sometimes it just gets horrid, just a warning) Every little action, every word spoken that could indicate betrayal, even in the slightest of sense, sends her reeling in panic. A little voice whispers "Hey, wake up idiot! Don't you remember what happened last time you trusted someone and put faith in them? They took everything!! How can you trust again? And Love? What's wrong with you dummy! And if that isn't enough, the times before? Look how much pain you've had, you don't need anymore!". But then, the strong part of me grinds her teeth and stamps her foot and refuses to listen. No, she says, I want to trust again. I WANT to love and put my faith in him. I was so broken, so lost, and then I met him. He taught me to live again and I love him for that. Why should I run? It only got me heartache in the past. I won't do it. And the way we connect, the way we understand eachother... I won't give that up because of what someone else did to me. He makes me happy, damnit, and thats all I need. So, I'm going to go sleep in the arms of a beautiful amazing man who I love, and when I wake I'll start the day happy and go from there. Maybe things will change in time, maybe I'll have down days, but that's life. Sometimes you just have to take it as it comes and treasure what you have, not worry about what you might lose.