. . . . . I'm going to tell you a story. Once there was a girl who cared for nothing in the world more than a small circle of people whom she considered family. She hadn't know them very long, and some still weren't very close to her. Sometimes she even felt like an outsider imposing herself on an exclusive click of rather secretive folk. But everytime she began to feel awkward something happened and somehow, one or more of the "family" seemed to need her. They would confide in her and slowly become closer to her until it seemed that the feeling of family was mutual. Her "family" cared for her like older siblings would a younger sister, and she was a listening ear or helping hand in times of need. She was happy this way and would have given her world for them.
But, as it must, times passed and her "family" grew apart, as most families do with time. New people came and joined the family, fights erupted, and other friends from outside became increasingly more important until large rifts were formed. The family split into smaller groups and the girl didn't know what to do. She still cared for ALL of those people who had cared for her and shown her compassion and affection, she even now cared for some of the newcomers as much as the original members. She didn't know what to do. The people she cared so much for no longer cared for eachother, some were even moving away. She felt as if pieces of herself were breaking off to be scattered around. And in a sense they were.
Not knowing what to do, the girl turied inside herself, cutting off contact with most of the world. Confused and lost she decided to live for herself and herself alone, shutting out all who she had cared so much for. She didn't realise that in doing so she was cutting off part of herself, and a large part of her heart. She becamne cold and refused to care for anyone as she had cared for those who she had called family, seeing them only as potential wounds to be avoided at all costs.
Eventually, after a few years that seemed to go on for millenia, the girl broke down. Her life was in tatters, she'd quit school, got involved with "the bad crowd", and had allowed someone to get JUST close enough to hurt her worse than she ever knew was possible. That was when an amazing thing happened. She found some of the people from her old "family". They began to talk and spend time together and some fragments of her old self began to resurface. Shreds of a family long destroyed seemed to be reweaving themselves. The girl began to feel again.
I don't know the moral of this story. I don't know if it will have a happy ending. All I know is change is a fact of life. People will separate and go their diffent ways. Bonds will break, families crumble, but if you care enough, if your heart is strong, NOTHING can take away all of what you make for yourself. Loving with all your heart is worth the danger of breaking. If you give enough, sometimes, if people are worth it, they'll give back.
Maybe this will mean something to you, maybe not. I only hope it can help you understand something I had to go to hell and back to learn.