Holy mother of chaotic hallucinations!! Um... yeah. Sorry, I just got a mind buster of a question posed to me. It's really throwing me for a loop. An Unlikely scenario, but still a possibility. Sigh. I worry too much. Think to much. I just wish most of it made sense to me. I want so many ppl to be close to me that aren't. I want so many people to know me that don't... Argh. Then I worry about being judged. But why should I care? I am who I am and if someone has a problem with me then thats just too damn bad. But who am I? I don't even know. And I want people to like me. I don't want to be a bad person. I worry that I am sometimes. And then back to thw choices. Will it really happen? What will happen to me then? And will I ever find the time to go back to chasing my dreams? I want to so bad... but I still have to live. Argh!! I'm still such a child!! I have so many questions! So many things I want to say. Well, darnit I'm gonna say some. Michael; You're a dear dear friend of mone and I would do just about anything for you. I hope you will always be mu friend and I will always be here for you. I wish you happiness and a good life. Foxfire; You mean a hell of a lot to me. Things are all mixed up right now and that makes things between us a little strained I know, but I want you to know that I love you. I don't really know in what form exactly, but I love you. I want to be here for you. I want to be friends like we once were. I don't want to lose you. Goat; I love you. I don't know what it is about you that changed me so much much, but whatever is is you do I never want you to stop. Thank you for everything. For this happiness that I feel, for the will and desire to live, for the trust you're placing in me, for helping me learn to believe again. Thank you. I don't know how things are going to turn out, what trials life has in store for us or how long we'll be together. But I do know this, I will always love you. There. Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I only have one more thing I'd like to say. (Well, not just one, but I can't really say EVERYTHING now can I?) To someone I hope reads this, I know I don't know you. I know the situation is really not great for me to get to know you, but I'd like to. Everything I've read and everything I hear about you tells me you are a really awsome person. I think we might really get along. I'd just like to talk sometime, but only if you want to. Anyway, too many thoughts are pressing at my tired little fingers. I want to explain everything away. My past, my present, I want it all to explain my future. But it won't. I'll just talk myself in circles as I always do. But I still feel as if there's always something I didn't say that I could've. I try to explain every little detail to explain myself. I want to be known. So why do I feel as if no one knows me? I explain and babble but I never say anything. My communication skills are severely lacking. LOL. It gets me into a lot of trouble. What I can say as well as what I can't. Its so frustrating. But I don't want to leave here. I'm comfortable here. Its almost like a security blanket. But if staying means I lose something important to me, shouldn't I let it go? Yeah. But I dowanna!!! I'm too scared of everything. Gotta go...