*sigh* Well, tonight was interesting. It seems almost as if fate is testing me. Or trying to show me something. I dunno. Whatever the Powers that Be are trying to say, it was lost in translation. I just don't get it. Maybe I think too much. Or maybe I'm damned. Maybe I'm just stupid. All I'm sure of is the life I once had, I want back. And I can't have it. Someone told me I need to learn to move on. To let go. Learn to end things instead of clinging to them like I do. But why? Why shouldn't I cling to something that was a source of happiness? Was. I guess thats why. When something stops making me happy I should let it go. I guess. Maybe I just fell out of love love. I was happy. Was. But I'm not now, and no matter how hard he tries, I'm still not. I'm not even sure what made me so happy, so I have no idea why its gone. Or how to get it back. Or if I'm just worrying myself into this state of unrest. But, if "this is how it's going to be", then I don't want it to be this way. But how can I feel that way when I can't pinpoint whats wrong? I can't think of something to fix, so how could I be unhappy? Ha. I have an idea. I'll make a list. I'll write out what I want out of life and give it to him. That way we can work on it, or, if there is something there that he just can't live with, either I'll change it or we'll see how it won't work out and go from there. I need change. I need freedom. But I also need companionship. And affection. I'm like a sugarglider that way. Without love I'd just curl up and die. Why the hell is love so godamn important!? *sigh* Whoever invented love should be drug out into the street and shot.