I wish I could find my actual diary. =( Its been missing since we moved out of the House. I'm sort of terrified that it was in Goat's car, which got towed and he didn't know how or want to deal with it so its gone forever. *sigh* Hopefully we'll find it soon though. Because it should also be with my baby's social security card. *grumble* Yeah. That's a GREAT thing to lose.... Anyway... We're in Columbia now. Its not so bad. Lonely, but that's a given by now I guess. Its not like I ever saw anyone when I lived 30 minutes away, why should it matter if I'm 2 hours away? I'd like to make some friends here, but honestly... I don't know how. All the friends I have I've either known since childhood or they were friends of Goat's. I don't know how to make friends or meet people. *worried look* I'm going to try to find things to do here, maybe theatre, and hopefully I'll meet someone I can connect with... It doesn't appear that my mother will ever be moving back. At least not for a few years. I'm hoping to change her mind, and it might become easier before too long, as my sister is pregnant. =) I'm excited. I've never had a neice/nephew. I'm worried about her. She's always had a weak stomache anyway and being pregnanat isn't helping. She'll be fine, I know, but I worry. It's my nature. I'm considering cutting my hair. I have multiple reasons... One, it's almost Goat's birthday and he LOOOOOOVES short hair. Also, Rowan is a hair grabber and its getting a little painful. Plus, I need a change. I am a little hesitant though because it took me so long to get my hair back... I really do love long hair... but I don't have time to do anything with it... and short hair is easier to care for... Guh! I hate my indecision. Oh well... I'll figure it out. I've been trying to create again. Draw, write, sing, whatever. I just don't seem to have the inspiration anymore. It kind of makes me sad. It's also been making me reminisce a bunch. Not good for the heart. So, yeah, I've been missing people. A couple specific people most of all... but those ships have sailed. "While your story's completed mine is a long way from done..." Yeah... I am very worried about Strife, though... He's back in PA because of his health... he was supposed to come back around my birthday, but he's still not doing too well so he hasn't returned. =( I wish there was something I could do... I'm always going to love him and worry about him. I've been talking with mon Fleur Dansante alot more lately... its... nice. I miss talking to her. Part of me wants to cry everytime I do, but I miss her so much... To be honest I have cried a few times... but c'est la vie. I know I can't dwell on the past forever. I can't help but ache... but whats one more emotion to bottle up for the sake of others? =D So I've been doing ok. I'm sure there are things I need to change. Many, MANY, things... but all in due time. For now, I should sleep. I think I'm going to TRY to update frequently again. I know no one really reads this anymore, and that's actually kind of comforting, but its more for me than anything. Its helps to have a record of things past... even though it can be painful.