I don't really wanna deal with anything on a personal level right now. Thats generally what I'm trying to get away from. Why is it that everything having to deal with emotions and feelings has to hurt so fucking bad? Even the shit that makes me happy! I was so god damned happy and I KNEW when I came back up here I'd be down right miserable. WHY do I ALWAYS have to be RIGHT!? I'm sick of this shit! You want me to be on my own, then FINE, I'll be on my own. That means you don't control me or have any say or hand in what I do, so stop trying to! ARGH! *sigh* I'm just tired of my life and I want it gone. I want a new one and I have the chance to get it without losing the parts of this one that I give a damn about. So why must everyone make it so difficult. It shouldn't be. They ask me for a plan, I give them one, they ask for another one. What the hell?! Is nothing I do ever good enough? Well, maybe it isn't for you but it is for me. So shove it. Its my life, I know the risks I take so just fucking let me take them. *aggrivated sigh* See what this place does to me? I become some vengeful hateful monster when I'm here. I don't want that. I want the peace I had back there, the peace I have with him. Damn, I miss his arms... his voice, his face, his smile, his touch, his laugh, his eyes, his skin... listen to me. God, I ache for him! And just HIM. ...I don't think I've ever... For the fisrt time I don't want ANYTHING from ANYONE else... I have love for other people, but I can honestly say without any doubt that if any one of them came to me and offered or asked or wanted I would say no. I want just Him. I don't care if he's far away. I dont care if I can't and won't see him for days on end. He's the only one I want. :::WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM FOR A BREIF MOMENT OF UTTER CHILDISHNESS::: HE'S MINE!!! MINE MINE MINE MINE -MINE-!!!!!! YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!! -=MINE=-! :::WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR ORIGINALLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM::: I feel so alone tonight. I saw more tonight than I ever wanted to. I know more now than I ever wanted to. Some was confusing, but in generall it all just disgusted me and pissed me off. Lets just say tonight did nothing to quell my rage. I need my calm... I need him. He gives me happiness. He gives me peace. I want it to be Friday. I want to be with him again. He's so much different than the rest of them. He wants me for me, not for what I could be to him. He understand the way my head works... how I move and feel... and we are both ugly in our darker places. We learn from eachother. He's amazing to me.... I'm infatutated with is body and his mind.... I'm going crazy here. I need release.