Its getting closer. Everyday a littel closer to being the anniversary of my death, as I so lovingly refer to that nightmare. 15 days and it'll be a year. 16 days and it will have been 8 months... Jesus. Thats twice as long as I can remember ever lasting before. If it lasts... Somehow I feel it won't unless something drastic happens. God, PLEASE, let something drastic happen... I'd give anything to be with you tonight And I'd do anything to somehow make this right And though I'm still a child some ways And I don't always understand I know I'd give up everything For the solice of you hands I wish that you could love me in a way I understood I wish that we could realise that sometimes fighting can be good I wish I wouldn't walk away I wish you wouldn't yell But what has wishing ever gotten me Disappointment and heartache is all I can tell I don't want to be sad anymore. I don't want to feel so tired. But I can't sleep. The last few days I've just sat up, no sleep for me. I tried laying down and closing my eyes but sleep evades me like wind in my hands. If I ever do manage to fall asleep I wake up every hour starting around 5am. Or I have the craziest dreams. Or both. Maybe I'm going crazy. Maybe I should just move back to my mom's... I'm becoming nothing but an aggrivation and a burden. He wants change. I should just let him go. He loves his cities... they frighten me. *sigh* To have love without strife, what I wouldn't give... I long so much for my theatre. That's why I love these LARPs so much... they're the closest I have to my precious theatre. I long for someone to need me. I need to feel inexpendable, important, significant, irreplaceable. Why won't someone just love me..?