I think that even when I was a kid I was afraid of committment.... I hated having to decide between things... I had so many interests, and I was talented... which was my downfall. I constantly heard how good and talented I was at everything, to the point that I was terrified not to be, afraid I would disappoint people. I was scared I couldn't live up to my own expectations. And now that I think about it.... It doomed me. I can't decide between anything I love. And thats screwed me for relationships. I'll never be just happy, because I'll never be able to say "this is it, THIS is what I want" cuz I'll be thinking about other things and thinking "but I really loved THAT too..." I never really had to decide between sports and theatre and camping or anything,. My mom was fantastic and got me from one impossible apointment to another. So I never had to choose.... But it also made sure I never nailed down one thing incredibly well. I never committed to anything. I COULD have been an amazing swimmer, or a great actor, or horsewoman, or fencer, or artist... but I would have had to choose it as the one thing I wanted to do above the others. And I didn't want to do that. So I'm just "talented" at everything... until I stopped doing it all. And now I'm not even passable... =( I'm just fucked. And I guess its possible that i could start again at something and figure out how to be happy... but I can't decide which passion is worth teh effort, because I honestly think they all woudl be. I COUDL be anything I really wanted to... I just can't choose. I want to sing I want to dance I want to draw I want to ride I want to play sports I want to just... be fucking amazing at something again, damnit I just need the chance... someone give me a chance... I'll knock your goddamned socks off.. just.... let me... show me how it worsk and I'll do it better than you thought it could be done.... So thats the root of my mental issues, and most of my relationship problems. Yep. So what good does knowing do?