So Christmas came and Christmas went and gifts were given and families visited and the past year reflected on, and all I've come to realize is this; Time will pass, I will grow old, my life will change, but no matter what I do I will always feel sad about my life and what I've given up. Now isn't bad, it just isn't then. I'm always missing 'then'. Then, when I laughed and loved and felt... Something. Something that is lost to me now. Then, when I didn't feel so trapped. Then, when I knew what hope was. I don't even know what I used to hope for, only that I hoped. Now seems... tired. Lifeless. Monotonous(sp?). I love my boyfriend, my babies, the friends I still have. Only it all feels somehow incomplete. Stagnant. I don't believe I will ever be satisfied with my life as I live it. It makes me sad to think, but I fear no matter how I try I will always feel inadequate. I'm burning down. Perhaps it's time to relight the fires and be reborn again? But change is hard...