Sometimes I just wantto pack up and leave. I'm not particularly mad or upset at anything, just so you know. I just... guh. I get so TRAPPED and FRUSTRATED. I hate feeling like I can't ever leave the house. I know I -can-, but really... I don't know where to go. I could, I suppose, walk around the neighborhood... but I don't really want to corrall the girls outside by myself, and I also get really uncomfortable. I always feel like an intruder when people see me. Like they're judging me, wanting to know what I'm doing there. I know its rediculous... probabaly just my anxiety, but still... I hate spring. I hate getting restless. And I really really hate feeling like if I just started from scratch, I coudl be doing so much better than I am now. Liek when I unpacked my room. Everything is organized and put away (at least what -can- be put away) and I've kept it that way for a whiel now. Which proves, somehow, that I can do it. Which for some dumb reason makes it worse. I just organized the girls' toys into stuffed animals, hard toys, toys we're getting rid of, toys that are missing bits, and ??? toys. And again, I feel grumpy that when I'm left alone to a task it gets done. I -AM- capable. But not when I have to deal with... *sigh* Like I really need to prove to myself that I need "Does Not Work Well With Others" tattooed on my forehead. Yeah. That helps my feeling of self-worth. Yippee. Like I need these awful thoughts parading through my idiot skull. *sigh* Anyway... we finallyhave dentist appointmets for the girls. (Thank GOD) I just hope that Rowan doesn't lose any tooth chunks before then. They were suppose dto be the 4th, but that woudln't work, so I made them the 12th. But Goat couldn't change his schedule, so he moved them forward AGAIN. I dont even know when they are now. The 20-something-th. This month. I just pray they actually DO SOMETHING. I'm so scared that they'll just look at them, go "Well, their teeth are rotten out of their skulls", charge us a gazillion dollars and be done. I'm even more scare that they won't be ABLE to do anything because Rowan is so young and f*^%&* REFUSES to open her damn mouth (which is why her teeth are so bad already). Winter already broke off that last bit of remaining front tooth she had earlier this week. I feel like an awful mother, but for teh life of me, I have no idea what to do. Never have any more kids EVER, comes to mind. Appearantly my kids' teeth are doomed to be made of chalk. Not, I suppose, that I want any more kids.... I love Winter and Rowan to death,they make me happy. I don't really feel the need to have more. Its... nice/weird. And now I'm just depressed and twitchy and guilty and grumpy. Yay! Aren't I always so POSITIVE?! Stupid car. Stupid timing. Stupid money. Stupid house. Stupid anxiety. Stupid doubts. Stupid heart. Stupid head. Stupid stupid stupid.