Is it wrong of me to think that it’s unfair that I haven’t been with anyone else in about two years? Does it make me a bad person to feel cheated that he’s had other relationships and other loves since getting together with me, and I haven’t? *sigh* Or maybe… maybe its that even when he wanted someone else, when he was with someone else, I was still here. I was still his. If the situation had been reversed, he would have been long gone. If I had told him that I had a crush on someone else and I wanted to try to be with them, he would have found someone else in a week. *sigh* I dunno… It just bothers me... I love him, there's no doubt about that. And I'd love for this, for US, to work... I hate that word... to LAST... but I just can't say with any certainty that it will. Or even that it CAN. What if I'm making the wrong decision? What if I'm staying for the wrong reasons? He was the first relationship I had after... well, after I had my life ruined by another guy. It could have skewed my veiw on relationships pretty badly... I wonder if I would have stayed this long if all that hadn't happened..? And then there's the baby... an obvious bad reason to keep trying. We want so badly to give her a family and a good life... but we could be wrong about what the best thing is. What if we discover that we aren't happy enough with each other after she gets older? Would it be better for us to start out not being together, or to split up after a few years? *sigh* I know it wouldn't be good to stay together when we aren't happy that way. Thats a sure way to make your child miserable... even worse if you deny it. So what if we get married and later he gets bored with me? Or he finds someone he wants more? Then what? Does he just have an affair? What about me? What if I end up not happy with him? What if -I- meet someone else..? *sigh* This could just be normal worrying. But it goes back to what I was originally saying, its not fair that he's been with other people in the past two years and I haven't. He at least has had other relationships since me. He's had other dates, had sex with other people, been in love with someone other than me... He has something to say "Hey, I really would rather be with you than any of that" about. I have nothing. I haven't had sex with anyone else for about two years. I haven't been on any dates. I haven't spent time with anyone else in a manner that would be comparable to a relationship besides him. I haven't loved anyone else. What if my last relationship really did screw me up and make me think that this is as good as it gets? Ugh... that makes me sound so horrible. I love Goat. I really really do... and I don't want to sound like this is bad... I'm just scared that someday I might find something and find out that I'm not as happy as I think I am. Or that he'll find something better... because he has, or thought he might have, so many times already... I don't want us to settle because we're overwhelmed by the moment. And so many things could be showing us that we are... Do we love each other as much as we think we do? Or is it all just baby hormones and circumstances?