...I've let a part of me out. ....I haven't done so... for a long time. I used to all the time... but the people who understood that bit of me... they aren't around anymore... so I hid it. For fear of ridicule... for fear of other people laughing at me... telling me I'm crazy... But I miss the freedom. And I ache to be accepted... the way i used to be. WIth them... I felt comfortable in my own skin. I was who I was. They understood... they sympathised... and we could all talk and just...be. But now... I have to monitor my words. Censor who I speak to... test those I want to trust... because if I let them in... they could reject me. If I let anyone know the whole me... they would probably leave. *sigh* I miss the freedom... I miss the comfort... I can't even explain everything... the people I love may never know me... or understand me... because I'm not... normal. Yeah. I'm a freak. I'm crazy. I'm... *sigh* me. All of me. But... I let that part out... and I started to explain who I was... to someone... and she hasn't rejected me yet... WHy that scares me... I'm not certain... but it does... I think its the possibility of maybe having a fragment of that freedom I long for once more... the HOPE... frightens me... Why do I keep opening myself up to get hurt?... *sigh*