I think I want to dye my hair again. I haven't in a very long time and I miss having crazy bright hair. Besides, babies love bright colors, and it stimulates their brains. :) I do like having my natural color though... maybe I could just dye part of it. I dunno... I don't have any money for dye anyway, but its nice to think about stff like that. I had a baby shower today. It was nice. Not alot of people came, but it was nice all the same. I got some cute things, played some cute games, and ate some good food. I was right and didn't get any of the things I really need, but thats alright. I'm just worried about getting everything ready for the baby before she comes. I emailed the lady I bought a crib from. AGAIN. If she doesn't respond I'm going to have to report her and then figure out what to do. I need a crib and I already payed for it, but I don't know what to do now. People have suggested having another shower, maybe after the baby's born, but I dunno. I'd like to have one that I can invite more people to, but I don't know when, and after the baby's born I'm not sure I'll want to have a party for a while. I'll be so tired... Too much baby stuff. I don't want to think about it anymore. Goat and I are doing alright. We're sort-of-talking now instead of just not. Its nice, but a little emotional at times. Maybe it wouldn't be if I weren't so hormonal, but eh, now is best for getting things worked out. Well.. 9 or 10 months ago would have been best, or even a year or two ago, but what can you do? I love him so much... I wish I could find the fire he used to instill in me. I know its still there, I just lost it somehow... The cats seem to be adjusting well. (Goat had a friend move in and he has two cats so there's now 5 of them and they're all still edgy) They still hiss and spit at eachother, but they'll hang out in the same room now. It usually only gets down to the swearing when they get within 4 feet of eachother. :) And they finally are comfortable enough to sleep instead of just lying there glaring at the other cats. My baby boy even curled up with me on the couch for a few hours nap. It was really nice. I wonder how they'll react to a new baby..? Ugh. More baby thoughts. Bad me. I'm doing alright I guess... I'm... placid. I'm really close to an inevitable life changing experience and I'm utterly terrified, but I know that its gonna happen no matter what I do so whats the point in getting worked up? I'm tired alot, and I guess I've been thinking a lot about myself and what I'm gonna do with my life. I hope I continue to beleive that I have the ability and control TO do what I want. I get discouraged easily. I guess I'm just hoping for the best... what more can I do? So I'm going to go love someone now, and hopefully set the foundation for something good.