"But it's not so bad You're only the best I ever had You don't need me back You're just the best I ever had And it may take some time to Patch me up inside But I can't take it so I Run away and hide And I may find in time that You were always right You're always right" I wanna go home. I'm getting depressed again. At home I get scared, but not depressed. What is it about this place that kills me? And for once my ties are weak... all my knots are coming undone. His tie to her is now steel. It will ALWAYS be there. Ours is merely lace... But I'm just a frightened child trying to sound smarter than I really am. Trying desperately to hold on to this piece of life I enjoy. Wanting to be important, wanting someone to love me and be happy because I'm there. Wanting my own life where I can just be me... but why should I force that on someone else? I try so hard to be a caring generous person... I try so fucking hard not to be a problem or hurt anyone. But it seems like that's all I ever do. I fuck up peoples heads, mess with their emotions. Goddamnit! Someone just hurt me back! -Intentionally- rip me apart like I know so many people want to do! ...Why don't people start what they finish? SO many times someone has ripped into me, begun to kill me slowly and then stopped. You leave me crippled, not dead but wishing I was. Then you turn around and apologize and care and make all the hurt a million times worse. Worse because I can't help but forgive. Worse because I care so much for you who tear me apart. Either care or don't. Hurt me or don't. Love me or don't. Leave me or don't. I can't take the whiplash. Make up your mind to believe what you do. *sigh* I want to go home... Just... forget it. Fuck all of you.