"And you know I don't mean to hurt you But you know that it means so much And you don't even feel a thing...." I have a big mouth. The conversation I had last night... the comment tonight... *sigh* I should know when to shut up. But I guess... sdometimes its ok. Last night was more personal damage than anything, but tonight.... it really wasn't meant to upset. It was an observation. And a compliment.... I love how things are right now... the freedom... the intimacy... but if one little thing changes... if he comes to his senses... its all over. No more moonlight. No more freedom. Thats all I meant. That now is so wonderful... I wish it could last forever.... Thats all I meant. I wish I knew how to make you feel wanted... *sigh* You are so terribly wanted.... I wish it were enough.... *sigh* So yeah, me and my big mouth. I'm getting married. I should... never mind. I'm happy. I really am... I guess that I just... I've been reverting back to who I was when I was younger. And thats good! I liked myself so much more then! I've ranted about it for so long, you can read the posts! But... well... even that me has flaws. Duh. I'm only human. And that me just happens to have issues with... I guess committment. Not that I'm scared. I just think too much and care too much and am far too indecisive. And I have a bad habit of having no problem telling people how I feel about them. I AM going to marry Goat. And I WILL be happy. I've just got some old flames that I still care very deeply about... *shrug* It won't destroy what I have. I love a lot of people. But I choose Goat. *sigh* I just wish I could be the me I like without this ingrained feeling of despair.