Gaaah.... I'm terrible at updating this now. I really woudl liek to but it feels redundant. "Oh no, we're out of money" "The girls are awesome but frustrating" "STill have no job but looking" ... I mean, yeah. Not alot has really changed. I spent a week up in Kansas City, which was fun, but I didn't get to see everyone I'd hoped to. Though the girls got to spend A LOT of time with their littel cousin, which was really cool. It was adorable to see them all playing together. And Winter was incredibly helpful and well behaved the whole week. Of course now that we're home again, its back to fits of crying and stomping around... but it was nice for a while. I miss my best friend even more now, and I really really really wish I could figure out how to get a good car. I went to American idol auditions. Holy hell was that miserable. lol! I didn't exepct to make it past the first round, but it was still dissapointing. I mean, I got there at 3:30am, and didn't get done till almost 7pm. It was cold, boring, and I was thirsty and starving. Not sure I ever want to bother again, even if I were more prepared.... I sort of have this new job now where I work as a "guide" answering questions people call or text in, but right after I got on, they decided to change the payment system and I've been getting grumpy about it and not doing it as often as I should be. I also started an application to become a surrogate, which was going really well untill I had a phoen interview. We had to talk about my childhood and my past and we got on the subject of Awful-evil-bad-relationship from 2002 and I got a little choked up (of course, I was all hormonal and emotional from that little bit of monthly evil, so that didn't help) and the woman I was talking to said we should stop teh interview there because the surrogate process is incredibly invasive and almost always done by men, and that wasn't something she was comfortable putting me through until I'd "dealt with" what happened to me. *sigh* SO yeah... that's a bit depressing. I mean, no I never saw a professional about it, and no, I don't particularly feel that comfortable talking to a complete stranger about that fact that my ex-boyfriend raped me when I was 16. But it really doesn't bother me like that anymore. I -have- talked to people about it. It certainly doesn't effect my day to day life. I just don't see what sort of difference talking to a counselor woudl make. Blah... anyway. I was told to keep talking to the company, because they are interested, and once I "deal with" that baggage they would love to pursue this whole surrogacy thing with me. So yeah... I've been in a bit of a funk these last few days. Nothing new. The olympics have been neat this year. First time anyone's ever gotten 8 gold medals in one Olympic year, first time America's ever gotten gold AND silver in gymnastics, shit-tons of world records being made. Its been good to watch. Though... a strange thing occured to me whiel I've been watching. We had friends over and we talked about the different sports and such, and I realized how often I would say "yeah, I used to do that sport when I was younger". I mean... I said it ALOT. How the hell did I have time for all that crap? I swam, I did track, I rode horses, I dove (breifly), I fenced... there were multiple events that I seriously considered training for to someday GO to the olympics. What the hell happened to me?... .... Yep. Enough griping. I'm out.