Well shit. ... Have you ever done something you know is wrong, but you couldn't help it because you had such a strong feeling that you should? And if you have, have you ever found out something from your actions, something you would never have known otherwise, that made you so hurt that it almost justified what you did? Almost. How do you know wich is worse, what you did, or what you found out? For example: Someone calls and your significant other answers the phone. You pick it up as well, but they don't notice. You know you should hang up, but something makes you stay on the line. You're eavesdropping on a private conversation, but because you don't hang up you hear evidence that your significant other is cheating on you. What should you do? You shouldn't have been listening because the call wasn't for you and you knew it. But at the same time they're the one betraying you. They're the one that's lying to you. *sigh* It wasn't a phone call I came across today. I guess if it was I wouldn't feel so guilty for how I came across it. This WAS deliberate. ...and still. I thought I was through with this sort of thing... I thought he was finished lying. Or maybe I'm overreacting... I don't know. He should know better... but then so should I. I shouldn't have done what I did. And now I'm in a sticky situation. If I confront him I'll have to tell him how I found out, and he'll have every right to be mad at me. But If I don't confront him.... it'll just eat away at me. Is it even worth it? I do only have half the conversation... but I have a feeling if I had the other half I'd be even more hurt. It is a bit odd... that I only have half the evidence. but I'm looking too far into it. I have what I have... and I wish I didn't. I guess.... but would I rather not know? Would I rather be blind?.. I don't know.... I'm so SICK of being lied to! Once again I feel betrayed... once again I'm second guessing trust. But how can I not? Two days before he proposed to me he was telling someone else he loved them. TWO DAYS. And whats worse is he hid it from me. If he hadn't meyb eit wouldn't be so bad... but because he did it makes me not trust him. Ugh... but did I ever really trust him? My actions would prove otherwise... once again, who is justified? Obvoiously I shouldn't trust him. So much has shown me that... *sigh* But now he has reason to not trust me. Crap reason, but reason still. I want to cry... I'm so close. But I won't. Not yet. Not until I know for sure... how I'll find out the rest, I don't know yet. And if I really want to?.. probably not. But hey... I'm a glutton for punishment. *weak smile* I did something dumb. Now I'm paying for it... Maybe it'll be worse... maybe its for the best. I'm an idiot.....