Damn music. Damn thought. Damn silence and choices and obligations and emotions. Damn it all! Its all true... all around this isn't good. And what happens whan teh pressure builds? Am I strong enough for this? Or will all the pressure and responsibility and frustration and fear break me..? And what of Him? Do we love enough? Are we really doing teh right thing? I hate the fighting. I hate how all this has us so short fused and on guard. I can't stand teh thought that this could tear us apart. Why? *sigh* Dumb question. I hate the things I'm thinking. That maybe the right thing to do is leave. Get out of the way and remove somestress from him in doing so... Just the thought makes me choke up and start to cry... I'd lose my heart, my happiness, and my home... but what if its teh right thing to do? God I don't want to lose him... I don't want to just give up what I have... I'm really really happy... What should I do? I want to be here and support him and do whatever I can to help. I want to take soem of the stress off, financially, physicaly, and emotionally, to help give the baby a happy loving home an family... But what if my involvement doesn't help at all? What if I'm just another, unneeded, source of problems? I don't know... I'm terrified... *half smile* Well, one thing I know. If we manage to make it through this, nothing will break us. If we survive this... *sigh* I want so much for this to turn out alright. For all of us. And I can't forget teh rest of my life... wil I still have time for it? Am I risking too much, giving up too much for this? Or for even just wanting this? UGH! I'm so scared and confused! How can I expect to be helpful or supportive like this? But I have to be. God, I hope I can do this. I hope I'm making the right choices....