I'm shutting down. I'm worried sick about someone who won't let me worry... I'm a worrier. Its what I do... and I tend to worry most about those who I know are "strong"... The strongest person I know I've had to hold as he broke down. The strongest are the hardest to fall. *sigh* I remember sitting for hours, barely perched in the frame of the driver's side door... just holding his hand... he was delerious... he was crying... it was awful. I've had to be there more than once. He's the strongest man I know. And now someone else I love is hurting, and there's nothing I can do. Worse, its my fault. If I hadn't written that email... if I hadn't meddled... None of this would have happened. I am an idiot. I will always be an idiot. *sigh* So... what else can I do? When you can't feel the emotions you feel... *shrug* Numb. Reverting to my shell. Strong Aspen. I am becomming who I once was. The mother. The shoulder. The strong one. Even if only to myself.... If they need me I'll be here. Until then... I am Leviathon. I am my child's mother. I am objective.