Well, here I am again in a place where a simple action could change the course of my life. A small thing, truely insignificant... yet so powerful. Why do I never think before I act? *sigh* Though, I realized tonight one thing; I have a voice. It is smothered in tears and lies and choked on fear, but it is there. And now someone wants to listen. For the first time in my life someone truely wants to listen... I have found my voice and forgotten how to speak. I'm afraid. Not of speaking, no not this time... of the truth. Of an action. Of my own weakness. It meant nothing harmful to me, yet it could destroy what I have... Again. It was sweet, I don't regret it... but I do regret not having the resolve NOT to. For the sake of my happiness. I have to stop. I have to be stronger. And I'm asking for help... please? *sigh* Enough. On another note, I'm am sickened by the simple repetative insincerity of someone I once felt I had great feelings for. Now I realize how close I came to throwing my life away. I don't think he will ever learn. It makes me feel litereally ill that what I saw hidden beneath his insecurities will never be realized. He could be such a wonderful, strong, caring, loving creature... but he's too scared of rejection that he will never leave his world of lies. And in doing so he will condemn those close to him to a life of fantasy. I have escaped that fate. Narrowly. But I have. I am truely free now, as I have never been before. I create my life now, I can do anything. Unlike you, I will not have my life and past remembered for me, I will not have my future dictated for me. Not for him. Not for love. Not for power. Not for anything. This is how I am truely free. I do still love him, but I had to leave to save myself. To live. I hope you both understand. And consider my words carefully. Realize what is is you're doing and stop. Continue to love if that is truely what you are doing, but stop the BS. And for once in your lives, be real. Live.