Well this morning was fun! NOT! Man, those tests they have to do when you're this close to labor are uncomfortable! SHEESH. But I did find out some interesting news from it. Appearantly I'm already about 75% effaced and 2cm dialated. And I could go into labor any minute. :D So yeah... Now every time I have a contraction Goat wants to drop everything. Its really rather cute. Also, the baby is in teh head-down birthing position. I can't remember if thats what "engaged" means or if thats when its head is even with my pelvis... oh well, she's in position. :) Not at 0 yet, but appearantly not too far up. That, however, is NOT keeping her from kicking me in the ribs. *lol* So, yeah, if I suddenly stop writing for a few days, I'm probably at the hospital. :) There's the news on THAT... What I wrote this morning... I was tired. I was upset... Thats all... Goat and I have talked and I'm feeling BETTER about things... I'm still nervous and frightened... but better. She came over last night and we sat around and hung out for HOURS. It was nice. There were some sucky bits, but we're all emotional and confused (and confusing).... but in general it was nice. I admit I'm still wary... but I'm willing to try... "I want so badly to believe that there is truth, that love is real And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd..." ...So yeah... I think things are alright...? Its hard to tell sometimes... I know they coudl be better... but until everyone puts everything into it, it won't... and maybe its selfish but I don't want to put my whole heart into something that the other person isn't putting their whole heart into... but... *sigh* "Fear should never be a reason to not try something"... ... ...I'll try... not with my whole heart... I can't... but I WILL try.... Thats really all right now, I think... my birthday is tomorrow... I could have my baby on my birthday... THAT would be interesting... but I doubt it... I'm not sure if I'm gonna get to do anything special, but I'll be 19... crazy. I'll be the age Goat was when we met. :) Gods I love him... so much...