... Well.. I dunno if I should be writing this out but.... the baby isn't his. He got all worked up for nothing. The man who let his life go to hell for months, who put our relationship into a whole world of shit... well, not -just- him, but... who got all worked up and excited and frightened and all responsible and stupid and frustrating as HELL... he's not a father after all. I don't know how to feel. I feel the need to tell the real father that he has a son... reassure him that his son will have a good life... do what I promised... but once again I'm in a position where my morals and what I feel are my responsibilities would get me into a lot of trouble. I hate this! And I don't know how to reach the baby's father anyway... No excuse really... I'm pretty sure I could... *sigh* I hate this. I hate the person who all this spawns from. I hate myself for hating her. One way or another I'm going to have to betray someone... AGAIN... at least thats how I feel. But why should I not be angry with her? She stabbed me in the back multiple times! Still.. I should hate him too for letting her... and I do... I really do... but I'm an idiot. And I love him. Damn the man, but I do. ...I don't want to betray my friend again... and I promised I'd tell him... He has a child. He deserves to know... and I'm sure he'd listen to me.... pretty sure.... *sigh* And it seems that no matter what I choose, I'll have chosen wrong. I wish I knew what I should do.... Anyway... I'm back home. As close to a home as I feel I have. :) Maybe this time.... I hope we get that house. Its beautiful. It's perfect. I'm totally in love with it... but with my luck. *shrug* I'll just drown myself in theatre again. Auditions on the 1st through 3rd then, if I make it, rehearsal almost everyday after that for a month and a half. Little Shop of Horros. :) It would be fun. So much better than teh play I just finished. And when its over Faire will have started. If I can get in I'll be busy through October. :) Pirates! Arrr! It's going to be so awsome this year! Then I'll have the wedding to keep me busy, and perhaps school. And then there's work, which will hopefully be at the place my father works. All in all coming back seems to be what I've been wanting. Needing. Craving. And I can see almost everyone I've been missing. I only have to hope they've missed me. :/ Please let this all work out... I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't.....