Wow. I dunno why, but here, so far away from everything I've known for so long.... I feel lighter. I have no need to be angry. Honestly, when I first came down, I thought I'd hate it here. But now, I dunno... I'm happy. It's as if I have a whole different life here and its wonderful and I love it! I want it to stay this way. Last night I had this heavy sinking feeling deep in my chest... I was so frightened. It scares me how happy and content I am. I'm so scared of this ending. I can't even comprehend what would happen to me. ...there's this heavy weight in my heart every time I look at him... or hear his voice.... He's singing right now. Its so beautiful. HE'S so beautiful to me.... He makes me ache. Is this what real love feels like? Just the thought of losing him makes my throat close and my eyes begin to water... but I don't need him by me all the time. I need him, but not like some addiction. Its nice... :) I know in my head that this can't last, this magic, or whatever you want to call it, has to break sometime... but I can hope, right? Things will change and this feeling will die... but I can't deal with that reality right now. When it happens, and the worst is I know exactly when it will, I'll.... no. I'm not going to think about it right now. I'm happy god damn it and I want to stay happy. Why can't, just once, I have that chance? I want the problem to be him or me, not someone else's interferance. I'll be away from all my ties and on a clean start when I'm here... so now its him. The one who holds me in the palm of his hand. *sigh* This feeling scares me so much, because not only is my heart entirely in the hands of another, I don't want to change that. Please, Goat, don't hurt me. I'm so utterly yours and I'm so afraid you don't realize how fragile I really am.... Let this happiness last...