I'm not one to cast blame for emotional wreckage. I'm not the type to deny mental problems or hormonal imbalances either... *sigh* So I guess this is a great deal of crap that doesn't need to be listed under any specific cause. Still, its hard for me to not analyze the why and what for of my depression. I just had a baby, and that alone is enough to crack my already fragile hormonal balance. But then if you add to that a not-quite-two year old at home throwing tantrums, a pile of debt that keeps mounting, a house that is too small to be ABLE to clean (no where to put everything), a bi-polar husband with a new job that keeps him away, and the fact that we now have to find a new house 2/3 hours away fom my family and any help I could have with the kids in as short a time as possible.... It will reasonably make me a little crazy. But I think I was handling it okay.... Then I hear.... some things.... I didn't want to hear. It shouldn't make a difference. But it does. I didn't think it would by now.... but I guess... it does. It still does. And so I'm sad... and heartbroken.... and a little bitter.... and angry at myself for being heartbroken and sad and bitter.... and angry that I found out the way I did... and irritated that it matters... and ticked that it still holds sway over me... and sad that I'm angry.... and sadder that I have no right to feel anything... and empty... I have so much to be happy about. I have two healthy, beautiful daughters. I have a loving husband who is trying so hard to make things easier for me. My husband just got a HUGE promotion that should make our financial concerns that much easier... I just don't want to be alone.... I'm okay when I'm not alone.... but when no ones around and the babies fall asleep... *sigh*