I just read some old entries...its odd. I used to write down more. Maybe I knew I wouldn't want to remember. ...Goat and I had some really rough times. He hurt me really bad. And it still hurts... But I didn't record it. Instead I talked about the baby. What if... what if thats what we're doing now? Covering up the bad with current events. Maybe it isn't as bad as it once was, but that doesn't mean we don't have issues. There is alot we never resolved. ...I'm so scared we never will resolve anything. We're both too... god, whats the word? Guarded? Suspicious? We get offended so easily... and so bitter. i wish I could just get him to understand... not only that but be willing to do something about it. I'm scared. I'm really really scared that I'm digging myself a hole I'll never get out of... what if I never forgive myself for the decisions I make now? I don't want to become some old bitter lady who has nothing but memories of what she could have been.... I don't want to regret my life.