Things are just so fucked up...yet again. Mike lost his job. He's a wreck. I'm still jobless and hiding my feelings all too well. It's kinda hard to hide away from things that are in your face everyday. I started to listen to the Fallen Album again. This can't be good. I mean...I seem happy...or is it that I'm pretending? I donno anymore. Things are just so fucked up. My mom is leaving Bill. She said their not getting a divorce. I donno how long that will last. I'm gonna lose the only person I ever counted as a father. It's bullshit and it hurts. I don't know what I'm gonna do now. I can honestly say I love Bill far more then I do my father. I would have asked Bill to bring me to NY if he could have. I would have enjoyed that a hell of a lot more. It would have been a great time. It sucks that I'm here in New York while everything is happening at home. I wanna go home. Just to visit. I'm really homesick, but I don't wanna tell that to Mike. I would love to go home for Easter...but I doubt that's gonna happen unless someone pays for me. Even then, I want Mike to come with me. He's my everything. I need him beside me. I left all that shit at home, but it doesn't seem like it really left me...more like paused. It's just a giant pause button on my life. The only person who contacts me of my family anymore is Meghan. I guess it's cause she misses me. Hell...I know she misses me. I miss her, too. I want her to come out here for Spring Break. I'm gonna beg. It's the least they could do for me...bring me my sister. *nodnod* I doubt it will happen. My dad's an asshole. He won't send her. Meg will have to just spend it without me. I would die just to have her out here for a few days. Is that too much to ask for? I'd like Paula to come out, too, but I doubt she will. It's just a bunch of me...alone. I have no friends out here except the guys...and they are Mike's friends...not really mine. It sucks to have no one to talk to out here. I wanna get out of this house to hang out with other girls! Guys are fun...sure...but they don't like to talk about feelings. They don't go shopping just cause they want to. I'm like the only one with tastes I like. I'm thrilled that Dave likes Jack Off Jill. I'm in love with them. Other than that...I'm like alone with myself. It sucks ass. I guess I better shush. I could rant about shit all day and that would be one long as entry. I'm just so alone. It sucks and I wanted ppl to know it. If anyone ever reads this thing...tch...I doubt it.