I know I shouldn't have these thoughts and they circle in my head like a kelidoscope. My body aches. My eyes burn. I just can't fall asleep unless I'm being held. It's just all too much at once, just way too much at once.

He's stressing me out. We both know this. All this relationship drama, the fact that he ignored me multiple times last night even though I know the situation, how I was thrown into second yet again. Don't sit there and bitch until you know what it feels like. Don't you dare. I'll tear your shit up faster then you can breathe. I fucking hate you. And I don't want to.

You two are stressing me out. I'm not the one wanting to smash your shit up. I see potential in your fucking plot. I don't want it to fuck it up. Stop thinking I do. I'm not the one plotting to do so. I'm sorry that it's not keeping him interested. Everything I try to do is trying to keep him involved, not ruin it. So, you can just kiss my ass. If I hear or see one more thing about it, I'll just let him do what he wants and fuck it up so hardcore. It's not my fault that your plot really has nothing to it. The point to it is bland, boring. I'm just rolling with it, finding some way to make it fun for me and him. We don't want to RP Real World: 2034. I'm sorry. We just don't. Stop trying to cock block me in everything I fucking do to keep him interested or you're going to lose full control. Stop blaming your shit on me. Blame it on the person that really is trying to fuck it up. I'm sick of all your fucking anger and stress being forced on me. I'll smash that shit up again as well.

I'm just so sick and tired of everyone picking me to be the scapegoat. Corinne is right. I am a fucking doormat. I want to talk shit out and work things out so that way they keep him interested, but I'm not talking to someone with an attitude. I can't fucking take it right now. Last night, I wanted to drink Drain-o. Fucking bite me, okay? I don't really have someone strong with me to tell me that everything will be alright. I don't have that. I have Mike who really doesn't give a fuck about what I want because she's all upset and I have Garrett that is bored and doing who knows what the fuck, but is dragging me into it because he needs someone on his side. Sorry fucking everyone that I want to give everyone an equal chance to have fun.

My plot isn't going to have this shit. Period. End of story. Everyone will be involved in some way or another and when I am on, there will be constant action affecting everyone. Just because you two can't see the many possibilites you could do with your plot doesn't mean I'm going to let mine be cast aside or thought as nothing. Trust me. I can't work with something that really has no point other then "Learn something that isn't what you want it to be, but is something else that is entirely pointless! GO!" I'll talk to you both when something other then scarcasm and witty remarks come from your typing. I cannot deal with it right now. You have no fucking idea.

I just can't take life. I'm so stressed out. Nothing hurts more then this. Funny thing is, I don't think he took them seriously. Sure, I smile and I laugh, but does it look like I'm okay? I have so much pent up anger at myself and others that I'm casting it into a pointless RP plot and at two idiots who would rather mack it with their characters then do a real plot. Jesus. Just make a side board for the !Future RP. Make a new villian, something. It's a good idea for an RP, it's just not keeping Garrett interested and I'm sick of being blamed for shit not going your way. It's not me!!!!!

-sigh-

This will all go in one ear and right out the other. I guarentee it. If anyone needs me, I'll be reached through texting. I don't think I want to be on AIM for a while.

~Kayla