I'm at a mini stand still with what the hell I'm going to do with my plot. I think it's cause the RP itself is at a stand still. I have barely any muse unless Garrett is around. X.x I'd like to be able to RP, but it just kinda sucks right now. Too much Real World, less plot and action. I prefer action. I think Garrett and I are going to do something tonight, but not so sure. Could be fun. I donno. Most likely we'll get bitched at the entire time. I'm too fucking tired to deal with that shit tonight. I may blow up. X.x I don't feel like it. Dx

I got a call from my grandfather yesterday. It was rather nice. I'm glad he's doing okay. Well, kind of okay. The hernia is fixed, but he's having issues breathing. I'm really worried. I don't think he has much longer. It's going to hurt when he goes. He's the one in the Hutsell family that really took me in. I don't want him to go. I'm kind of selfish with that. I love him so. X.x

Bah. Things are just bah. I should call my other grandparents to see how Danny is doing. I am hoping they got the cancer and it's still gone. I'm worried about that, too. I don't think I could function for a few weeks if he went or my grandmother. I'm also afraid that soon my Grandmother won't remember much. She's getting really bad with her memory. I can't watch that happen to her like it did with my great-grandfather. I just can't.

I don't get why I'm suddenly worried about my family. Maybe it's cause they all have been trying to contact me but all I am doing is working or sleeping. Shit is just crappy right now. Mike needs to get a job to help out. I can't keep doing this alone for another year. I just can't.

And wtf? Apparently we're going to get kicked out, too. -sigh-

everything feels so numb and cold

there she stands reaching out alone

a sinking ship that sailed too far away

from home

~Kayla