i guess everything ive been feeling lately has a lot to deal with my mom. when she was out here all she kept saying was that shed call me a lot more. shed call me. what does she not do? i guess im disappointed. my grandmother tried to make up some excuse but the honest truth is that she just doesnt have the time to call me. she doesnt even call meghan and thats whats sad. she cant call either one of us. aparently she parties a lot. thats what meg said. i wouldnt doubt it. i wouldnt doubt the fact that shes unhappy too. i just wish i had a mother. it just seems like i dont and its been like this for years. i dont think ive ever really had a mother since i was in elementry school. my grandmother says shes bipolar. i could have told her that. is that a good excuse to ignore both of her daughters existance? i dont think so. if she cared shed call. if she honestly gave a fuck shed call. i donno. just this worry of ending up like her is bothering me. i dont want to end up like her. i dont want to have my first child and tell them that they were planned but came too early. i dont wanna tell them that i am learning with them but i know how to handle the other. im just so afraid of being a bad mother wife and friend that im just withdrawing from everyone. i dont want to be like her but i am like her. it scares me and i just want to make it stop. i want to die. ~Kaylaface♥