For some reason, the world doesn't seem to change. Every fucking day it's the same. I wake up. I either shower then go to work or I sit in front of this computer and go to the sames sites as when I come home from work. The faces are always the same. I even remember faces of some of the members and they remember mine. It's the same trip to and from. I always listen to my iPod instead of listening to my fiancee's talk radio. I want a new face. I want a new drive. Perhaps a new morning. But sometimes I have to ask myself why. Why would I want a different morning? Would I just follow that like I follow the one now? It just doesn't feel real. Nothing feels real. I feel like nothing. Sometimes I want to die. I know that it's not normal to just want to take the wheel when my fiancee's driving and slam it into a bridge or even off the road. How I wake up annoyed at myself for still breathing. I don't hate my life. It's not that. I do get annoyed with it, but I don't hate it. I hate myself. I hate what I have become. I'm not the scared little girl I used to be. I don't pretend to be someone else in order to feel wanted or brave. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that. I hate being angry. I hate feeling like there's nothing wanted about me. Sometimes, I just feel like I'm dying. My favorite song now is Desperate Now by Stabbing Westward. I don't know if this is a cry for help or a want to feel like I belong somewhere. I don't know if anyone actually cares. What I do know is is that this isn't one of them Emo whiners that want someone to give them attention with their actually good lives. I am just so sick of waking up every morning wanting to not exist. It all just makes me sick. ~Kaylaface♥