Against popular belief, what my character is doing, what I want to do, is not to spite you. It's not. Just as with the AFR!Bianca relationship, I see hope and possibilities in the RP. I see something I like and would enjoy coming on to RP every day. Just the ideas in my mind that swirl and make me strive to get through the day. Yes, the ideas. The RP. That is what I'm living for. That is why I'm getting up and going to work. There was a definite pick up in my attitude and the way I move, but if you want to just throw this bullshit at me... -sigh- go ahead. I guess I fucking deserve it. Funny thing is...even after I told Corinne what I did, she said she wasn't upset about that. She was more upset about what you said to me. I don't think she'll tell that to your face, but...maybe that's something to chew on. I was talking to Garrett and he got her involved. It was kind of nice to have a couple people backing me up. I cried so hard. Just so...hard. It's okay if you don't see me. I don't say shit behind your back if you wanted to know. The worst I say is..."got their posts are fucking annoying." I bet you do the same. I bet you do worse. No, I know you do. I end up reading it from the other screen. You know I'm self conscious enough to do it and it's not because I'm petty or spiteful. It's because I honestly want to know what shit I'm in for when Garrett leaves. It's quite honestly going to make me leave again. I won't stay around a place where no one wants me. And that hurts Mike. I just have no reason to stick around if I can't be my girls. It's like losing a part of me and I hated not being who I was for a year and a half. You're slowing taking it away one step at a time. I didn't accept your apology for one fucking line. You know what it was. You don't say..."I'm sorry." then go..."that hurt my chest." You just don't. And I didn't make up my decisions while bashing you to Garrett. Many of our conversations are either about the RP or just stupid shit in general. Don't assume stuff. Tonight it will be him trying to cheer me up and me doing the same for him. I fucked up last night. I know I did. Even though no one blames me, I feel fucking responsible. I got pinned in a corner and I couldn't lie my way out of it. They are both being children about this stupid thing. We both know Garrett and what the RP means to him. It's his release and it was me that pressured for the character PMs. I'm sorry that we think alike and enjoy something that is apparently "cheating". I means nothing. He may have taken shit way out of line, but she shouldn't have pried it out of me. It's easier to be ignorant about it then to think about it. And I'm ignorant to a lot of shit Mike does. I just don't want to fucking know. How he treats you hurts me. He can't even defend me against a blatant attack. Doesn't help that I had both Garrett and Corinne saying that he needs to grow a spine and tell you to fuck off. -sigh- I don't want him to not talk talk to you. I just want to be able to have a man to protect me. I've never had it. You don't fucking understand that. Well, maybe you do. I don't fucking know, but you have no idea how much it hurts to see you talking shit and him just...agreeing with it... I fucking hate you. I hate you so much right now. It hurts him and there is nothing I can do. I won't sit there and tell you to fuck off. I may think it or tell Garrett that I want you to go the fuck away, but I don't really mean it. I hate how I fucking feel weak and powerless. And those words you fucking wrote linger in my mind like a scar that won't heal. And every time I see your name, it hurts worse. I don't want to talk to you because I don't want to say shit I will regret. Mike wouldn't say things for me. Maybe I did fuck shit up. -shrugs- Who knows. I probably did. I'm sorry, okay? I know it means shit. Garrett's a stubborn asshat. Mike and I bet him that he would get Rose and Armok back together. He's doing whatever to prove us wrong. I will take the blame for that as well. I'm sorry. I'm just fucking sorry okay?! ~Kayla