1) This is Sam's Club here. We have memberships for a reason. You must hand me your card before I can start scanning anything. Yes, the registers are fixed that I can't ring you out without a membership. Sad? Yes. It's also rather annoying when I have to touch your chest sweat card and slide it through the machine. I wanna gag each time. 2) Again, this is Sam's Club. People pay money to shop here. You must have a membership! I don't care if your friend told you you could shop here. I don't care if you've had a free run through one day. I need a membership in order to ring you up. Take your crap and go up to the desk and see if they got one. And no, I cannot run my personal card through. I do not want to get fired. 3) Yet again, this is Sam's Club. You must pay your membership in order to buy anything. And I mean anything. I'm sorry if you don't have the money for the $40/$35 membership. That's not my fault nor my problem except now, I have to put away your crap. You should have known it was expired before you dumped all of this crap on my belt. And yes, thank you. I know I'm rude. Your fat ass is blocking my way to do my job. 4) I am trained to look at the cart. I know you have effing water on the bottom! Next time, I'll charge you double for pointing out the obvious. And because I don't scan it right away doesn't mean I didn't hear you the first eight times you said you have the effing water. Jesus. I KNOW! 5) Okay, why the hell would you pick up something and put it in your cart if you don't want it a few seconds later?! Now we have to put that back. Does that seem fair to us because you wondered your dumb ass around and picked up crap?! No. Either buy it or leave it alone. 6) Why the effing hell do you leave your trash all over my register?! There are trash cans ALL over the place. You can put your trash there. I like the food too. YAY FREE FOOD! But srsly, why leave it on my register?! That's rude. Let me leave trash all over your house. Would you like that? Yeah, I thought so. 7) Oh! And don't leave your half eaten trash in the cart either. Other people have their stuff placed in that cart you inconsiderate jerk. They don't like it. Neither do you. Grow the eff up. 8) We close at 8:30. No, you may not come in ten minutes after we close to pick up one thing. No, I'm sorry you cannot remove your fat ass from the TV earlier to get here when you need to. Go the eff away. 9) For the 589748297589472876 time, we do not accept credit Visa. Yes, that sucks. It's not my fault. I don't run the company. I work there. Take your crap out on the big heads. Thank you for being an ignorant ass. Also, Visa charges us $6 per transaction. That's a lot of money lost. Yeah, stfu. Gtfo. 10) I am a cashier. I don't know why they stopped selling that item you like. I honestly don't care. Just hand me your card. Let me scan your crap. Pay and gtfo. 11) You do know half this crap is heavy. When I have to move your crap from one flatbed to the other, I would really, really like your help in moving it. Some of these things weigh more then 40 lbs. It hurts my back which is already screwed up due to scoliosis. 12) Yes, I have to move your crap. Why? It's my job. I can get fired for not moving it. Really. So, either help or gtfo of my way. 13) I'm sorry, ma'am, but the register does not make up magic numbers. I understand that signs are confusing here at Sam's. The prices for your things are always above the item. You have to look up. I mean, I get that you like looking down for unknown reasons, but srsly...the register is not wrong. That shirt is not $7. It's $19. Deal. Either buy it or let me punch you in the face. 14) I am hoping to move into center. I have to fold the clothes. I don't appreciate your dumb ass going through and messing up everything I have just folded. It's rather friggin rude. Not to mention, I want to pick up something hard and throw it at your fat effing head. The way they are folded is easy to find your size. Thanks for making me have to fix the whole damn pile. 15) Does it look like I know where exactly every single thing is?! Sam's is a big ass store. I don't know where everything is. I don't know if we have that item in stock. Why don't you go ask the person in that area. Yes, we have people working in other areas then the front end. 16) We here at Sam's have a rule about checks over $300 and we need your license. I'm sorry if that is a hassle for you. It's about as annoying for me. Just hand over your damn license or pay another way. I can't make the supervisor come over faster. 17) Also, I don't know why your credit card did not work. I'm not the bank. I'm not that company. I'm the cashier. Though, thanks for letting me laugh at you. That proves that you are in far more debt then you need to be. Pay your damn credit card bills and stop being a moron. 18) You may think it's cute to flirt with me, but I don't. You're ugly, fat and probably the most disgusting man I have met. I do not want to go out with you or your son. I don't even want you to come through my line again. I ring your stuff. You don't know me. I could be a psychopathic killer. Srsly. 19) And I'm atheist. I don't want your religious BS. I should rip every little booklet you give me about God. Why? Because I don't give a rat's ass about your religion of if I'm going to Hell. Sad thing, buddy. I don't believe in Hell. What now?