I shouldn't have mentioned anything about my trip, but I did and Mike's parents are flipping out. Honestly, I don't think it's their decision if I go or not. It's between me and Mike. Yes, me and Mike.

I'm still in doubt about a lot of things. I don't quite get this sudden interest in my feelings. I think it's just to keep me in line. But then I think that there could be something else. I wish I knew the motives. I have my doubts that it's to make me feel better since I have not felt better at all since the night Mike admitted to me his doubts, fears and worries. Now, we are working to improve. But...this? This constant battle because of my doubts and my fears? I don't find it right. I just don't. It doesn't make me happy if this is indeed what you both are aiming for. It makes me wish that I was just hated instead.

Playing victim? Being power hungry? No. I'm not a victim of anyone but my own relationship and life. I also want no power. There is the temptation, but I do not seek it. I seek peace in my own mind before all else. Right now, I do not see it in this trip. I would like to be proven wrong, but I don't think that will happen once you read this.

I still believe in going to HDS and I cannot prove that anymore then I have. I just don't like some of the things you say and sometimes, the way you make me feel. I refuse to act against now. There is nothing I can do to make you change or listen. I will just stand my ground on what I believe whether or not you think it's right or wrong.

You wanted me to stop being a doormat. I'm doing just that. I'm not going to be walked all over.

~Kayla