*sighs* Still don't have my site. Fucking Netgear Firewall. I got to thinking all thanks to Katie. Yeah, her and her serious entry. I just started to think about why I'm alive and why I keep living. Not many things popped into my head. I'm not happy. Well, not happy yet. ( >< FUCK! I JUST BURNED MYSELF! >< )I wondered who I was living for. Not many ppl came to mind. Mike, my world, my everything. My sister, the only entertainment in my life. Garrett, one who sees me for who I am and not what I do. Maybe even Katie and Kelsey. Leslie and Jolie, my two best friends. And then a small whisper said two names that I never thought I would hear. Sky and Tim, the two ppl who tore out my heart and left me lying on the ground bloody, abused and dead. I don't know why I'm living for them. It makes no sence. I mean...Sky hates me with a passion for me falling in love with Mike. And Tim...I wouldn't know. He dumped me for a slut. ( Well, I'm friends with her now so she's not really a slut, but yet she is...Oo ) Now, all of this kinda surprised me. There are ppl out there that mean something to me. One might be in Canada. ( Damn Canadians...so fucking cool. >< ) Two might be in different states. And a couple live an hour and a half away. But one thing still remains. They mean something to me, good or bad. I know things are hard right now. My parent's are pushing me down, trying to keep a last grip on me before I graduate. My boyfriend, the greatest thing in my life, is not here beside me. And...and I keep pushing ppl away. I cut and I bleed for pleasure. I'm suicidal. But I'm still alive. I'm still alive and that's all that matters. That's the biggest thing to matters. I'm breathing. My blood is flowing in my veins. I feel. I love. I hope and dream. I cry and laugh. It's all that matters. I'm alive, ppl. And I'm sticking around. I want to see what there is in store for me. Will Mike and I get married? Will I have children with him? Will I keep my close friends? Will I ever stop cutting? But most of all...Will I ever know what it is like to be happy? Hell. I can already answer that question. Yes... Kari And I don't want the world to see me Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am