Good song. Very good song. I may like it far too much I think. I'm about to make a new mix for Hikari. I'm kind of chucking all these songs for her and Kaimu in my Kaika mix and this song is far from any relation to Kaika. She'd kick ass if she heard these lyrics. For reals. She's self destructive, but not suicidal. She's an alcoholic. Blood is icky when it comes from you. :p

I wanna RP. I just....I just don't have any muse. I look on there and any that I had just vanishes. I don't know what it is honestly. I know what I want to RP. I wanna do my fucking plot. I really, really do. I don't want the stress. God I don't need the stress. I have enough right now. I also want Mike to stop being a doofus and RP on scvstng. He won't RP with me anywhere else when he says he will. It's heart breaking when he lies to me like this. I fucking hate it when he lies, when he breaks his promises. He knows this. Everyone fucking knows this. I hate being lied to. I fucking hate it.

I'm just working stupid ass hours to where I can't RP with the crowd. They're done by the time I get home. All that is left is three people and them in their groups. There's no room for me there. It just doesn't seem like there is room for me at all. I could post until I was black and blue in the face, but it seems it always slinks away from fun for me into the cliques again. I've never been one to be with the big cliques. I always am by myself. Maybe that's because I want an invitation to be a part of the crowd or it's the fact that I am so far on the outside it's too awkward to include me.

God, I wish someone would want to include me. Just someone. Anyone?

Apparently we're going to get kicked out in November. Most likely, I'll be heading back to Indiana. I think Mike has quit period. I don't think he wants to move on in life. This frustrates me. It frustrates me so much. I want him to stop quitting on everything, everyone. I just know that he wouldn't follow me if I wandered away, if I got lost on the path.

And it honestly hurts to know that if I just walked away, these last five years would have meant nothing.

Clichè of my life, honestly. I could be so much more, but I'm so comfortable being mediocre. I may see how much online courses are. I don't have time to actually go to school. It'd be easier to just do it at home.

I could be so much more. I could be amazing, powerful. I could be a queen, a bride, a jewel.

I could be so much more. I could be beloved, wanted. I could be the sun, the moon, the stars.

I could be so much more as my eyes look to the sky. Why, oh why, dear sky, am I this way?

~Kayla

i dont want you to try, youve done enough to keep me going

ill be fine, ill be fine, ill be fine for the very last time