GOD SHE PISSES ME OFF! SOMETIMES I WISH SHE WOULD DIE!..... *seethes*......... *sigh*.... ok so i dont wish she would die but fuck! im so fucking god damned sick of fighting with her all the damn time... im talking about my mom if ya dont know... but shit she just makes me so FUCKING angry sometimes cuz shes friggen stupid. I think that shes part of the reason i wanna go to college out of state... out of country really... *cools down* ok ok so yeah its just that ya know.. since my step dad died... she cracks up a lot... breaks down and cries.. and im just standing there.. i cant comfort her.. im not used to handing out sympathy. and so she just sits there and cries and at first im sad and feel sorry for her, but then i get pissed. why should she sit there and cry? im the one standing here keeping this together... shes always cracking up. hes dead mom. he died a year ago. im sorry but GET THE FUCK OVER IT. and i know this is sounding sooooooooooo mean. but ya know its really annoying.... *sigh* and i probably get so pissed cuz i dont cry about it in front of her... the only person whos really seen me crying is cresten... and if he hadnt randomly shown up one day... he wouldnt have ever seen that side of me. i dont let it out much. i miss steve. i wish hed come back. he died a year ago... and i still havent visited his grave... i heard the stone is really pretty... and something.. it nags at me.. like i should go up to the church and see it... just look at it.. just sit down and talk to steve. sometimes i have dreams where hes still alive and nothing has changed.... i just... miss him.... shit... there i go... crying again..........